What is my Higher Power?

Posted on 07/23/2025 by admin

I call my Higher Power God. This is what I have always called Him,

I used to pray to Him for many things. A good life, happiness and peace. Since getting sober and embracing AA, I came to believe that God must be in control and always has the best plan for me.

I want Him to be like a parent because when we are children, we trust our parents to do the best for us. We don’t always like it but we are not capable of making the right decisions and choices in life and we don’t know best.

I want him to be kind, loving, strong and constant. I know that no matter how hard life becomes that He will always be there.

God is a parent, best friend and teacher. My acceptance and His guidance make it possible to live a good life.

Trust God, Clean House, Be of Service

90 Days – My Will, My Choice, My Action

Posted on 03/18/2025 by admin

For the last three weeks or so I seemed to have lost my mojo. What I mean is, I started feeling not grounded and confused. It seemed to start when I made a decision concerning making a change in my life. I knew I wanted this endeavor, but questioned if I was using my own self-will in doing so.

I was also working on Step 3.

Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to God as we understood Him.

I thought I would experience bells ringing, birds singing or maybe a few bolts of lightening. Needless to say, this did not happen. Instead, I became discouraged and let my will run rampant in an effort to “control the situation.”

The topic in tonight’s meeting was, You guessed it! Step 3.

I listened carefully and heard words such as, “sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly, acceptance, thy will be done.”

I did not hear one story with fireworks.

My will = Willingness

My choice = Trust

My action = Acceptance

Circles

Posted on 02/24/2025 by admin

I was in a meeting the other night. The topic was the Daily Reflections from February 21 titled “I’m Part Of The Whole.”

The reflection talks about “they” and “them.” Meaning the people we meet in an AA meeting. Most of us agree we did not want to be a part of “them.”

I shared, I did not want to meet any of “them”, be friends with any of “them” or sit in a circle with any of “them.”

Come to find out, I was not alone in this way of thinking. People tend to stereotype alcoholics as the bum lying in an alley or someone sitting on the same bar stool every night.

I found out early on after attending one of my first in person meetings that this is not the case. I looked around at the numerous people surrounding me. I also noticed they were of all ages, races and types of people. They were not all bums or even old men sitting in a circle. In fact, I was quite sure I must have shopped with many of them at the local Wal-Mart.

I learned some have small children, others grandchildren. There are teachers, nurses and clergy men. Alcoholism is not partial. It will take anyone. It will kill anyone.

AA is a WE program. Each one helps the other to stay sober. In doing so we become part of a whole.

A circle is continuous. It is whole. WE are the circle.

At once, I became a part – if only a tiny part – of a cosmos…

-AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225

60 Days

Posted on 02/18/2025 by admin

I would like to say this time went by fast and in some respects it has. Sixty 24 hour days takes a awhile, along with a lot of work. An average of 180 meetings, many shares and a few tears adds up to a clear mind with a purpose.

I find happiness and comfort every time I read “How It Works” or “The Promises” during a meeting. I was able to do chips today and yes the stage fright was apparent, but I got through and you know, “Practice Makes ~~Perfect~~ Humility.”

Two months ago if someone would have told me my world would be filled with wonderful friends and a real chance to live in a sober world, I would have spewed negativity. And I did.

Today, I stay in the middle of the herd, practice kindness and listen to my higher power. It is not easy.

I Am Grateful

for AA

for serenity

for knowledge

for forgiveness

for understanding

The Promises

Chapter 6, Page 83-84 of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new
happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will
comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down
the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That
feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish
things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole
attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic
insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which
used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could
not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us
—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them

Work Work Work

Changes

Posted on 02/12/2025 by admin

Excuse me a moment while I ponder this. I used to think I liked changes. I constantly rearranged my bedroom. This drove my mommie crazy, but it felt like a new world to me.

My AA journey has brought many changes. Where I live, how I live, and most importantly, living in my head.

I am approaching Step 4, and in preparation, I am writing a story about the unmanageability of my alcoholism. Writing, you say? Easy Peasy, no problem, I can,,,Stop kidding yourself, girlie.

I do not want to!!! I refuse to proofread and spell check. I feel like throwing myself on the floor while kicking and screaming like a toddler being told they can not have a cookie.

I realized the reason is anger. I am mad at myself. Regurgitating the things on paper I have done while drinking alcohol was somehow easier to tuck away in my brain rather than seeing the black and white truth.

Step 4 is change. If not, what would be the point? So I am busy sweeping, dusting and checking out this new view.

Remember Little juliannah? She just reminded me once our room is rearranged and clean, we can have the cookie.

Got My Groovy Back

Posted on 02/07/2025 by admin

My path to sobriety has taken many twists and turns. I tried just stopping. I tried drinking less. I tried turning over my finances…I tried. Everything.

I also tried a half-ass attempt at AA. The problem is it only works if you work it. After The Great Cookie Debacle, Krafty offered to take me in as long as I made a whole hearted attempt at sobriety.

This meant leaving my immediate family and moving to a new city. It also meant putting my future on hold. Scary yes, but I need to concentrate on myself. Period. So, I will not lie, I miss The Big Guy and the rest of our family.

While gathering clothes and personal items to take to my destination, I noticed a picture hanging on my refrigerator. Actually, it is two pictures in one. They were made into a magnet by my best friend, Red as a gift one Christmas.

They are of me and the Big Guy on a trip to Tombstone. Now, the Big Guy is not much of a traveler. I did some talking, persuading and maybe batted my eyes a few times before convincing him the trip would be fun.

I like the photos because in one he is smiling and the other he is kissing me. After hanging the photos on my refrigerator I found a little magnet that says “groovy.” I thought it looked cool and stuck it on the photos.

The photos are now sitting on my desk. A couple of days ago the photos fell and I could not find the little “groovy” magnet. My first thought was, “No robot vacuuming allowed until I retrieve the magnet. I looked everywhere but to no avail. Finally, today I looked down and there, right on top of the desk sat the magnet. 🙂

Got my groovy back. And, by the way. We did have fun…and smiles.

The Great Cookie Debacle

Posted on 02/05/2025 by admin

I shared this story in many AA meetings since embarking on my recovery from alcohol addiction. There is no sugar coating. (Yes, the pun is intended.)

Last summer, after the Big Guy fell in our back yard and broke his leg, I attempted to stop drinking. Why? Well let’s just say as usual, I was again finding myself out of control. I wound up one night after he had surgery on his leg drunk as a skunk.

I awoke to find he had been calling me to bring him pain medication and water. Yeah, I was out cold. Major blackout if you will.

“I am supposed to be able to count on you.”

I decided then and there to get sober. I stayed sober 4 months. But…I did not work the AA program. I was a Dry Drunk. This simply means although one is not intoxicated, they still think like a alcoholic.

And this is what led to the Great Cookie Debacle. I actually had fallen off the wagon around Thanksgiving. Of course, I was found out but continued to drink and tried desperately to hide this from everyone. Let’s just say I was good, but not that good.

A couple of weeks before Christmas, I arranged for family and friends to come to my house to bake cookies. Everyone readily agreed. I felt excitement in the fact I would be passing a tradition to our youngest granddaughter, Bubbie and knew she would delight in baking and of course filling her tummy with sprinkles and colored sugar.

My thoughts went back to many holiday seasons of baking with my daughter, Cinderella. So many pictures in my heart.

The day came and I drank. So much. I do not remember everything that day. I do remember what turned out to be an intervention that no one had anticipated.

Because of my behavior and the fact I am loved by many, I am now actively working the AA program and embracing the 12 steps. No cookies were baked that day, but if they had been, I probably would not be sober today.

I am lucky.

Bubbie still calls me Grammie.

Letter From My Little juliannah

Posted on 02/01/2025 by admin

I am involved in a Boundaries Workshop with people from my AA meetings. Our mentor assigned a task. Write a letter from your inner child to your grown-up self.

This is mine.

Dear Big juliannah,

I am proud of the woman you have grown into. We had quite a childhood. You overcame our shyness and discovered you were not the ugly duckling you thought you were.

I know you wonder why mom never hugged you or said “I love You.” It is ok now. You grew up, had 3 beautiful children, hugged and kissed them and told them “I love you” everyday. You were the best stay-at-home mom when people around you discounted your decision to raise your kids. You then took your self through college and later studied to pass your Pharmacy Tech exam!

We had such fun playing kick the can with dad and all the neighborhood kids. This taught you how to be fair, not cheat and get along with everyone.

I am glad you are learning to be a good person. Don’t be hard on yourself. You love animals, nature and the Lord. All taught to you by your parents.

You are blessed to be loved by so many people. Your little sister, Krafty is proud of you as well. She whispered to me to be sure and let you know that she forgave you for hitting her with that ruler. Who is the big sister now?

Mom gave us the special name, julianna, even though our given name is Julie Ann. You knew when it was a term of endearment or JULIANNA! with an exclamation point.

And oh big juliannah! Remember when mom was going through cancer treatment and you were there. And you were happy to be there. Remember her smile when you brought her that book from the library?

When dad died, you and mom could finally understand each other. She said, “I just want to hold his hand again.” You said, “I know mom.”

Shortly before mom joined dad in heaven you heard the words, “I Love You.”

You never understood when mom gave you the plant stand with the words, “Bloom where you are planted.”

She was a swan and so are you!

*Artwork by my mommie

Sunday Brunch – Joining

Posted on 01/26/2025 by admin

Today, Krafty, my sister and I became members of our local Lutheran Church. During a walk with Taya, Krafty’s dog, I noticed a beautiful church adorned with stained glass windows, a lovely steeple housing bells and out front, as it was Christmas time, a manger scene

I was immediately drawn to this peaceful view. We walked around the building and wondered about the services and what the Lutheran religion entailed.

We were baptized and brought up by our parents in the Methodist church. Over the years I attended different churches. Mostly, what I would call progressive. Not sure if that is the right word, but never the less, I always find comfort in my Faith.

We decided to attend Christmas Eve services. I am so glad we did! Immediately we felt at home. The church has a pipe organ, full choir and bell choir. Our mommie played the organ for many years in our church. Dad was active in choir and was a janitor on Saturdays.

Krafty and I would accompany him some weekends. We delighted in “running” the aisles, playing “Chopsticks” and the “Knuckle Song” on the piano in the choir room and…sometimes daring to stand in the pulpit. I do believe my dad said, “Girls, you should not play there.”

Needless to say, the memories flooded our minds and hearts.

Today we became members of this church. Somehow, I don’t think we will be allowed to “play” in the pulpit.

I know we found a wonderful home. The Pastor recited the Serenity Prayer. Right up my alley.

Peace be with you.

Anyone up for the “Knuckle Song?”