Excuse me a moment while I ponder this. I used to think I liked changes. I constantly rearranged my bedroom. This drove my mommie crazy, but it felt like a new world to me.
My AA journey has brought many changes. Where I live, how I live, and most importantly, living in my head.
I am approaching Step 4, and in preparation, I am writing a story about the unmanageability of my alcoholism. Writing, you say? Easy Peasy, no problem, I can,,,Stop kidding yourself, girlie.
I do not want to!!! I refuse to proofread and spell check. I feel like throwing myself on the floor while kicking and screaming like a toddler being told they can not have a cookie.
I realized the reason is anger. I am mad at myself. Regurgitating the things on paper I have done while drinking alcohol was somehow easier to tuck away in my brain rather than seeing the black and white truth.
Step 4 is change. If not, what would be the point? So I am busy sweeping, dusting and checking out this new view.
Remember Little juliannah? She just reminded me once our room is rearranged and clean, we can have the cookie.
