Category Archives: Inspirational

What is my Higher Power?

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What is my Higher Power?

I call my Higher Power God. This is what I have always called Him,

I used to pray to Him for many things. A good life, happiness and peace. Since getting sober and embracing AA, I came to believe that God must be in control and always has the best plan for me.

I want Him to be like a parent because when we are children, we trust our parents to do the best for us. We don’t always like it but we are not capable of making the right decisions and choices in life and we don’t know best.

I want him to be kind, loving, strong and constant. I know that no matter how hard life becomes that He will always be there.

God is a parent, best friend and teacher. My acceptance and His guidance make it possible to live a good life.

Trust God, Clean House, Be of Service

90 Days – My Will, My Choice, My Action

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For the last three weeks or so I seemed to have lost my mojo. What I mean is, I started feeling not grounded and confused. It seemed to start when I made a decision concerning making a change in my life. I knew I wanted this endeavor, but questioned if I was using my own self-will in doing so.

 

I was also working on Step 3.

Made a decision to turn our will and lives over to God as we understood Him.

I thought I would experience bells ringing, birds singing or maybe a few bolts of lightening. Needless to say, this did not happen. Instead, I became discouraged and let my will run rampant in an effort to “control the situation.”

The topic in tonight’s meeting was, You guessed it! Step 3.

I listened carefully and heard words such as, “sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly, acceptance, thy will be done.”

I did not hear one story with fireworks.

My will = Willingness

My choice = Trust

My action = Acceptance

Circles

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I was in a meeting the other night. The topic was the Daily Reflections from February 21 titled “I’m Part Of The Whole.”

The reflection talks about “they” and “them.” Meaning the people we meet in an AA meeting. Most of us agree we did not want to be a part of “them.”

I shared, I did not want to meet any of “them”, be friends with any of “them” or sit in a circle with any of “them.”

Come to find out, I was not alone in this way of thinking. People tend to stereotype alcoholics as the bum lying in an alley or someone sitting on the same bar stool every night.

I found out early on after attending one of my first in person meetings that this is not the case. I looked around at the numerous people surrounding me. I also noticed they were of all ages, races and types of people. They were not all bums or even old men sitting in a circle. In fact, I was quite sure I must have shopped with many of them at the local Wal-Mart.

I learned some have small children, others grandchildren. There are teachers, nurses and clergy men. Alcoholism is not partial. It will take anyone. It will kill anyone.

AA is a WE program. Each one helps the other to stay sober. In doing so we become part of a whole.

A circle is continuous. It is whole. WE are the circle.

At once, I became a part – if only a tiny part – of a cosmos…

-AS BILL SEES IT, p. 225

60 Days

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I would like to say this time went by fast and in some respects it has. Sixty 24 hour days takes a awhile, along with a lot of work. An average of 180 meetings, many shares and a few tears adds up to a clear mind with a purpose.

I find happiness and comfort every time I read “How It Works” or “The Promises” during a meeting. I was able to do chips today and yes the stage fright was apparent, but I got through and you know, “Practice Makes Perfect Humility.”

Two months ago if someone would have told me my world would be filled with wonderful friends and a real chance to live in a sober world, I would have spewed negativity. And I did.

Today, I stay in the middle of the herd, practice kindness and listen to my higher power. It is not easy.

I Am Grateful

for AA

for serenity

for knowledge

for forgiveness

for understanding

 

The Promises

Chapter 6, Page 83-84 of the book, Alcoholics Anonymous

If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed
before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new
happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will
comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down
the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That
feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish
things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole
attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic
insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which
used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could
not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us
—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them

Work Work Work

Letter From My Little juliannah

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I am involved in a Boundaries Workshop with people from my AA meetings. Our mentor assigned a task. Write a letter from your inner child to your grown-up self.

This is mine.

Dear Big juliannah,

I am proud of the woman you have grown into. We had quite a childhood. You overcame our shyness and discovered you were not the ugly duckling you thought you were.

I know you wonder why mom never hugged you or said “I love You.” It is ok now. You grew up, had 3 beautiful children, hugged and kissed them and told them “I love you” everyday. You were the best stay-at-home mom when people around you discounted your decision to raise your kids. You then took your self through college and later studied to pass your Pharmacy Tech exam!

We had such fun playing kick the can with dad and all the neighborhood kids. This taught you how to be fair, not cheat and get along with everyone.

I am glad you are learning to be a good person. Don’t be hard on yourself. You love animals, nature and the Lord. All taught to you by your parents.

You are blessed to be loved by so many people. Your little sister, Krafty is proud of you as well. She whispered to me to be sure and let you know that she forgave you for hitting her with that ruler. Who is the big sister now?

Mom gave us the special name, julianna, even though our given name is Julie Ann. You knew when it was a term of endearment or JULIANNA! with an exclamation point.

And oh big juliannah! Remember when mom was going through cancer treatment and you were there. And you were happy to be there. Remember her smile when you brought her that book from the library?

When dad died, you and mom could finally understand each other. She said, “I just want to hold his hand again.” You said, “I know mom.”

Shortly before mom joined dad in heaven you heard the words, “I Love You.”

You never understood when mom gave you the plant stand with the words, “Bloom where you are planted.”

She was a swan and so are you!

*Artwork by my mommie

Sunday Brunch – Joining

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Today, Krafty, my sister and I became members of our local Lutheran Church. During a walk with Taya, Krafty’s dog, I noticed a beautiful church adorned with stained glass windows, a lovely steeple housing bells and out front, as it was Christmas time, a manger scene

I was immediately drawn to this peaceful view. We walked around the building and wondered about the services and what the Lutheran religion entailed.

We were baptized and brought up by our parents in the Methodist church. Over the years I attended different churches. Mostly, what I would call progressive. Not sure if that is the right word, but never the less, I always find comfort in my Faith.

We decided to attend Christmas Eve services. I am so glad we did! Immediately we felt at home. The church has a pipe organ, full choir and bell choir. Our mommie played the organ for many years in our church. Dad was active in choir and was a janitor on Saturdays.

Krafty and I would accompany him some weekends. We delighted in “running” the aisles, playing “Chopsticks” and the “Knuckle Song” on the piano in the choir room and…sometimes daring to stand in the pulpit. I do believe my dad said, “Girls, you should not play there.”

Needless to say, the memories flooded our minds and hearts.

Today we became members of this church. Somehow, I don’t think we will be allowed to “play” in the pulpit.

I know we found a wonderful home. The Pastor recited the Serenity Prayer. Right up my alley.

Peace be with you.

Anyone up for the “Knuckle Song?”

Make Your Bed

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From the time I can remember, my mommie always insisted on our family making the beds in the morning. I did not have a problem or question this morning ritual.

What I did not realize at the time was the lesson she was teaching. I hardly remember a time of seeing her bed unmade.

As I grew into a teenager, I began to rebel a bit and tried to get out of this simple task. Needless to say, that did not get too far. This was not the teenage battle I felt I needed to fight.

As I grew into womanhood and started my own family, I continued to make my bed every morning. I also straightened the cribs and folded the blankets. This always gave me a since of accomplishment.

A few years ago, my oldest son Honda spoke to me about a Naval Officer whom inspired him while on his own journey through the Marine Corps. William H. McRaven, retired United States Navy four-star admiral and former Navy Seal.

He wrote an inspirational book titled “Make Your Bed” about his Naval Seal Training. He also gave a famous speech at the 2014 Commencement on the University of Texas.

The speech titled, “If You Want to Change the World, Make Your Bed.”

I watched with my son on that day many years ago. During my quest for sobriety I came across the speech and borrowed the book from my local library.

I hope this will inspire you as well.

Thanks mommie!